Serendipity

May you be free

2012-02-10T16:23:00.004+08:00

If only we have chosen to make the effort

to meet

to know

to listen

to empathize

to help

to love

If only you have chosen to make the effort

to face

to ask

to tell

to believe

to solve

to love

But it's meaningless to talk about all these now isnt it

just hope that now you've found what you wanted wherever you are

rest in peace wansi

you gave us a wake up call

Chloe

2012-02-07T02:58:00.000+08:00

Rabbits

Yea I know it's been quite some time since I last blogged, but I just want to talk about rabbits now.

A lot had happened (and I mean like really a lot) since the start of this year, but currently ALL is well (in fact, things are really good lately <3 ) so I dont see any need to share those unhappiness with you at all.

So yea, I want to talk about my most beloved rabbit - Chloe

Reasons Why You Should Love Rabbit:

1. They are furry and small

2. They are very quiet (except when you sit on it accidentally on sofa like me)

3. They have ALOT of sex

ok, I hope I have convinced you to continue reading now

so here we go

I bought Chloe when I went to China for holiday when I was 15. My friend and I were just loitering at some pet place when we saw this bucket of rabbits outside a shop.

ALL the rabbits were scrunched up in furry balls and just stayed motionless there, being cute and all. But there was Chloe, climbing and running OVER the pile of rabbits.

When I saw it, I was like 'omg no. Hyperactive ADD rabbit. DONTWANT', but my friend, who is a hyperactive ADD human herself, pointed at Chloe and told me I should get it becos it seemed to be the healthiest and most energetic.

After considering how my past rabbits died of various sickness, I reluctantly agreed to it. Then guess what, Chloe was handed over to me

IN A PLASTIC BAG

(just like an apple from NTUC)

AND SHE COST SGD$0.40

(just like an apple from NTUC)

I was in fact furious at how cheap they charged me.

It's like what?! YOU THINK A RABBIT'S LIFE ONLY COST $0.40?! WHO ARE YOU TO DECIDE HOW MUCH SHE COST YOU STUPID EVIL HUMAN?!

anyw, back to my beloved chloe <3

Being the very irritating person I am (HEEHEE), I always held the food high up when feeding Chloe, cos I loved to see her standing on her two hind feet (see video below). And over time, she developed this habit of walking around on two feet whenever she's hungry (which was like all the time). And sometimes when people came to our place, their general comment was 'omg what a freaky rabbit!', and I would be at the background beaming with pride HEEHEE

Every morning when she came out from her cage, she would ALWAYS (EVERY single time without fail) go to this particular corner to pee, then she would lick her paws to wash her face, then turned to one side to pull her ears down to brush it, before turning to another side.

Such a clean little adorable bunny isnt she!!!!

just like her owner~

When I had to return to Singapore, my mum decided to give it to her friend, whom had this 4-yr-old little monster daughter, who was a total real life Darla from Finding Nemo, and when I saw her taking Chloe up by grabbing only her ears, I really really have this urge to charge forward and pull her up by her hair too! (omg I can still feel this burning anger in me right nowwwwwwww!!!!)

I didnt dare to call to ask about Chloe, cos I rather believe that she was given proper care and love than to hear any mishaps. And even without any news of her, I cried everyday for the subsequent month. How could I not be reminded of her when I had memory of her at EVERY SINGLE corner of my house!?!

The magical thing is,

when I went to China again last December, I kept on catching glimpse of Chloe (this little white furry ball moving rather awkwardly) running around from the corner of my eye, but of course when I sprung around, there was nothing. It happened so many times that eventually, I wouldnt even turn to look anymore.

I'm not telling you this becos it makes my story more wonderful, I'm telling you this becos I felt something really remarkable at those moments.

In contrary to feeling terrified by the thought of Chloe's spirit wandering around my house, I felt extremely calm and heart-warming to think that Chloe's spirit has returned to my house, and that she has chosen to return because she felt that it was where she belonged. Like what people always say, love for pets is a kind of love on its own, it's unlike any other form of love and you only understand it when you have a pet of your own.

She belonged there,

right there in my house,

right there with me.

So thank you Chloe for returning,

thank you for letting me had my time with you

I love you Chloe

Forever and always

p.s. On a side note, I never knew the real gender of Chloe. I tried very hard to examine the genitals (as wrong as it might sound, you have to understand my concern of finding out the gender of my love), but I could hardly see anythg. I have no idea whether that was becos she was a she, or that male rabbits just have small penises. Moreover, she always responded when I called her 'Chloe' (seriously, was she a dog in disguise?! Which rabbit responds to name??), so I just decided that she was a she.

Alright. Time to sleep. It's fucking 3am again.

Goodnight kids XX

In the year of apocalypse

2012-01-06T19:06:00.002+08:00

"New year resolutions are a confession that all along we know the fault of our unhappiness lies with us and not with others"

so yea, here it is

1) Get GPA 4.2 and above
Had enough fun and screwed ups this semester. so yea. time to collect some brains

2) Tone up.
I'm 20. This is supposed to be the period where im in the prime form of my life. But look what's happening right now. I have flabs on me

3) Keep long hair. Curl it
Having long hair has been on my wishlist ever since I start to comprehend the notion of hair in my puny brain. Hopefully I can finally strike it out this year.

4) Travel to a new country and be deeply inspired
This is gonna be my biggest motivation of the year. I mean like c'mon, it's 2012, time to travel and spend your money

5) Stop losing my valuables
With crossed fingers, I hope the things I lost in 2011 could make up for my 2012 share alrd.

6) Get into a serious relationship.
I didnt want to say 'end my recurring singlehood' cos I can totally see it been uncancelled at the end of the year. so.

7) Stop destroying myself with procrastination
I shall limit myself to use the excuse 'arghhh I feel so lazyyy' only once a week. Whether it is making a call or waking up to catch my match in time, this rule applies to everything. And it shall be of non-accumulative nature.

8) Earn moneyyyyyyyyy!
I want to spend my own money buying my own happiness $.$

9) Read like a mad
I remember my mum once told me 腹有诗书气自华, which literally translates into 'with poems and books in stomach, you will naturally exude elegance'. hahahha. I want :D

10) Get a new skill
Be it cooking or a language. Any skill will do.

I'm writing my new year resolution on 06/01/11. I feel guilty now recalling of this unknown number wishing me happy new year ytd, to which I've replied 'gosh who are you and which alien timezone you live in that is 5 days behind gmt?!'

so 11) Stop being soooo mean xizi! argh

so many things had happened/are happening right now, pardon me for now

I cant keep the waves to myself

2011-12-24T13:20:00.003+08:00

"Prime numbers are divisible only by 1 and by themselves. They hold their place in the infinite series of natural numbers, squashed between them. They are suspicious, solitary numbers. Sometimes he thought they had ended up in the sequence by mistake, that they'd been trapped, like pearls strung on necklace. Other times he suspected them too would have preferred to be like others, just ordinary numbers, but for some reason they couldn't do it. Then there are twin primes: pairs of prime numbers that are almost neighbour, but always not truly touching because of the even number between them. These pairs gradually become rarer. You encountered increasingly isolated primes, lost in that silent, measured space made only of ciphers, and you develop a distressing presentiment that the pairs encountered up until that point were merely accidental, that solitude is the true destiny."

We could have been magic
in fact we had magic, witnessed by the stars and the serenity of the night

but instead
you have chosen to let magic be eroded by the wind and the water
to glitter
to dust
to nothingness

Adios to everything we could have had
We've missed each other by a shutter speed
just one, single shutter speed
but that's more than enough
Adios
my twin prime

Too young, too reckless

2011-12-18T22:39:00.004+08:00

I woke up in the morning and for a moment, I thought someone pierced my lip.
But soon, I realised why.
Gosh.
So much for 人心都是肉做的

30 WAYS TO INSTANT HAPPINESS

Finding money in your clothes' pockets

Running for bus and managed to catch it

Someone pressing the open button to wait for you to go into the lift

The phone rings and when you answer it, you realise it's exactly the voice you are thinking of

Asking someone to scratch your back and the person got the most itchy spot right away

Suddenly recalling your childhood friend's telephone number

The thing you've been wanting to buy is suddenly put on sale

Canceling off a to-do list

Tearing off a price tag perfectly

Hearing the sizzling sound made by meat on hot plates

Eating your baby food

Throwing rubbish into the bin and scoring it at the first attempt

Thought that today was wednesday and suddenly remembered that it was alrdy friday

Sitting and chatting about everything under the sun with your besties

Fixing in the last piece of jigsaw puzzle

Taking out two socks from the drawer and they happen to be a pair

Cracking open a soft-boiled egg perfectly

Receiving a handwritten letter

Emptying a computer recycled bin and listening to that 'ssstraawsh' sound

Untying a dead knot

Sleeping on newly changed bedsheet

Using new shampoo/shower gel/facial foam/mask

Drinking coconut juice on a baking day

Looking at your footsteps on snow

Eating your favourite dish by your mama

Having all green lights throughout your journey

Getting a big warm hug when you asked for one

Being in the fastest queue

Switching to other channels during commercials and when you switch back, the prog just starts

Looking at stars on a dark, quiet night

So young and reckless that he knows not of the weight of tomorrow, but indulges himself in the fire of today. For that, he had chosen to fuse the meteor with his raw flesh and running fluid, hoping that at the particular moment, the meteor can be made to stay in the sky, so that he can always have his meteor, instead of it reducing to dust and nothingness

xizi, you have to learn to ignore

2011-12-14T22:10:00.002+08:00

I was miserable
cos I learnt about stuff which I shouldnt have known
and being the petty person that I am,
I spent the whole day today being miserable, even to the extent of spreading it to others
For that
I apologize
sorry loves, forgive me for being so immature

I am fully aware that I have absolutely no right to be miserable
and the recognition of this fact made it even worse for me

In the amidst of drowning in my misery, I suddenly thought of something I have read before

When trying to hold on to as much as sand as possible with our hands,
the more we wish to hold, the tighter we will grip
but this will cause more sand to seep through our fingers

While on the other hand,
the secret to hold on to the sand is just to cup it loosely with your hands
and in that way
the sand will stay in your palm for as long as you want

Right now, I'm still stuck in the immature stage of wanting to hold on to the sand that I treasure as tight as possible
but I know if I were to continue this way, I will lose everything before I can even have them
I know I'm just downright childish
but give me time
one day I will learn the art of treating my treasured ones the way that is the best for both of us
So
For now
forgive me

I have yet to learn how to handle my issues
but I know how to make myself better
:)
Flowers, wine, music, stars
never fails to cheer a girl up

Sometimes I wonder if it is better that I dont try to hold any sand in the first place

All is well

2011-12-09T16:38:00.002+08:00

Yearning to be up in the sky when we had our feet on the ground, wanting to stay grounded again when we are hundred feet off the land

Look at this, then multiply by 7. That's how I've been spending the previous two mornings

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD!!!

Pardon me for this sudden appearance of my face.
This was taken at the beginning of this year. There isnt any apparent change, but I just felt like I've turned more hagged. It saddens me to think of how everything young and beautiful will soon become irrelevant to me.

the smell of sin lingers on my fingertip, as I lie awake soaking in my own confusion and remorse
imighthave l--e youafterall

p.s. I lost Lucas at the airport. Guess some things are just not meant to last ):

Telling you

2011-12-04T21:33:00.003+08:00

I swear
he's like the bitchest guy I've ever seen
Just his talking speed alone is enough to make me feel threatened

Anyway
UPDATESSSSSS

FIRST

Exams overrrrrrrrrr!!! YAYNESS MAX :D :D :D
And the best thing is that results are only released next semester, which means that I dont have face my reality for one month! LOVE IT!!

so that means I can openly and rightfully say

SECOND
I'm flying off this coming tues on the 6th and I wont be back till 3rd Jan next year!! D:
And the thg is, it was only decided TODAY!

D:
okay here goes the story. I was supposed to fly on 13th to Cambodia, but because I need to attend my grandpa's 3rd death anniversary, so I'm flying to China. And thanks to my dearest mum, I'm suddenly made to leave on the 6th instead of the 13th.

Yea, leavingsucks.
Unplanned early departure sucks even more

THIRD
yea. self-explanatory

Forth
Social butterfly annoys the hell out of me.
just saying.

"We want to play basketball"

2011-11-26T21:39:00.002+08:00

NBA owners and players reached a tentative agreement early Saturday to end the 149-day lockout and hope to begin the delayed season on Christmas Day.

"We want to play basketball," Commissioner David Stern said.

omg
earliest and best christmas ever
celtics against knicks again
a classic match to start off a classic to-be season

shaking with excitement now

You will always have yourself and them

2011-11-24T23:28:00.002+08:00

Moments to think of as motivation to pull through the last 2 papers:

sleeping on your darling in ulu resort holding a stack of monopoly money

No matter how awkward/uncomfortable/embarrassing life is sometimes, it will never last

and this is just random
AHAHHAHHAHAHHASDGKAH LOOK AT THAT FACEAHAHDJADFKA :D:D:D:D:D

Mozzie

2011-11-17T10:07:00.003+08:00

I was showering a few days ago when I saw a mozzie on the wall.
So instinctively, i picked up my slipper and was ready to reduce it down to a mesh of mozzie corpse and human blood

BUT

juuuust at the moment when I was about to smack it,
it suddenly FLINCHED

it was really subtle, like people twitching their eyes.
However,
it struck me that maybe everything,
both living and non-living,
is able to sense their destiny someway or another

You might call it sixth sense, intuition and all,
but the point is,
I think all of us actually already know how our lives are going to turn out to be like

I'm not bragging or being anal,
but ever since young
I always have this feeling that my life is gonna be good
:)

Okay, that's a lot of thought from smacking a mozzie

p.s. I was having second thought about killing it when I saw it flinched, but I still killed it in the end. Cos otherwise, its flinch would be meaningless and my theory of knowing one's own fate would have become invalid. Thanks mozzie, for sacrificing for my theory

Twenty years ago, a person came to this world

2011-11-13T20:55:00.003+08:00

this will be my last post as a 19-yr-old

now im more scared than excited to enter the new age group
cos i dont want to repeat my mistakes again
but before i can assure that, i need to first identify them
so yea,
that's how im going to spend the first day of my twentieth year in this world

I will become a better person
and this is a promise made to my future self

please be awesome for the next 20 years
i love you xizi

HUG YOU HUG ME

2011-11-09T00:24:00.003+08:00

Hugging should not just be an intimate act among family members and couples, it is, in fact, a universal medicine and a handshake from the heart

Need one
RIGHT NOW AND FOREVER AFTER

你聽得到

2011-11-06T16:27:00.003+08:00

知道不能太依賴
拍你會把我寵壞
你的香味一直徘徊
我捨不得
離開

I have you and myself

2011-11-05T15:57:00.004+08:00

Such a meaningless post
i guess i was just too too bored
.
studying is the worst form of suicide
really
it leaves you thinking you might have a life after that
when in actual fact
you are just dedicating more life to it
year
after
year
. .
and when you are finally lying on your deathbed
you'd be regretting
not accepting the warm invitation
by risk
by love
by life
. . .
sometimes
failing
is better than
remorse

Just go back

2011-11-01T23:58:00.003+08:00

Soon
everything is gonna collapse on you

Fortunately every force in the world will be helping you
cos they know that you are freaking weak
that's why they've sent the detriments away

so now
it's time for you to save yourself xizi

and dont ever doubt your instincts again

you should get yourself back quickly

Tales of mere happiness

2011-10-20T09:18:00.003+08:00

Moment when you wake up to warm orange Friday sunlight
and you are so myopic that everything appears bokeh

that is happiness.

Snugging up in bed on a rainy day + avocado milkshake + waking up to roomie coming back + chocolate banana cupcake bought for you

Feels like the luckiest and happiest person in the world

Have a great day everyone :)

Bare Meanness

2011-10-17T00:05:00.002+08:00

I swear all these bad karma accumulated is gonna come back to me one day
but still
I'm very much irritated by ppl like this

One day, I will love

2011-10-12T19:42:00.003+08:00

May I truly fall in love with someone one day
and finally understand the meaning of being a half to another person

I do not know what is the almighty's plan for me
but I do know
a heart does not just beats for metabolic purpose,
it has to be beat
for happiness
for pain
for love

I used to hold pride in my lovelessness
but after so long,
I realised it's gonna kill me one day

Do it for your mama

2011-10-07T17:53:00.002+08:00

I miss my mum
:'(

Ways to unscrew your life:
Drink water (only)
Sleep before midnight
Wake up at 7am
Exercise (chasing for bus does not count, climbing staircase in school does not count)
Eat all your meals
Do all your works
Smile a lot

bring it on

Bonobo's Handshake

2011-09-30T08:50:00.002+08:00

He was so passionate, so hungry, that I forgot everything.
I stopped calculating how I could lose less than he would. How I could come out this less broken, more intact.
He had an intense frown creasing his forehead, and those glacier eyes were full of purpose. His dream lay between us, spilled and uncorrupted.

And right there and then, I wanted to fold myself up like a letter and deliver myself to his hands.

It's wonderful and torturing at the same time to have found your equivalent of timmy

Tumblrrrrrrrrrr

2011-09-26T22:25:00.003+08:00

AHHAHAHAH
this goes to show that tumblr grows onto you unconsciously

Lucky it's just a 'like a boss' face, and not a 'forever alone' or 'y u no' face

For the mere mortals who are not aware of the awesomeness of tumblr and have absolutely no idea what I have been talking about, see below
This is the 'fuck yea' face, and at times is also used in 'like a boss' situation

Then there is the 'forever alone'
who is
well
forever alone
like me

and not forgetting, the rather overated 'y u no'

of course,
there is still the whole gang of them
together with 'foul bachelor frog', 'insanity wolf', 'socially awkward penguin', 'unhelpful high school teacher', 'success kid', 'the most interesting man in the world', 'annoying facebook girl' and so manyyyyyy moree

ilovetumblr
fuckyeah

Kickin start recess week. yeah right

2011-09-25T23:58:00.003+08:00

hi all

It's 1250am now and I'm alone in hall (FOREVER ALONEEEE) and I'm hungry cos I didnt eat dinner and I have bruises (of unknown origin) all over my body and I have TONSS of work to do but all I did the ENTIRE weekend (entire week in fact) is 2 paragraph of effective comm proj

but guess what?
I'm happy
:)

and so, all those will not be a problem

A shot by accident.

nice location (ulu within orchard, how fantastic is that!), nice dinner
couldnt be happier
:D

without girls like you, there will be no fun

Morning train rides can be made better by pretending that we're in Japan

After-performance emptiness striped bare in your face

Found my dream abandoned building by chance
ADVENTUREEEEE

And of course not forgetting, the many bruises that appeared on my body out of nowhere
But I guess I would have gotten more if I was by myself

Hair Hair Hair

2011-09-22T10:19:00.002+08:00

When you're cutting your friend's hair,
a new level of intimacy is formed
;)

SO CUTEE RIGHT???!!!
HAHAHHA NOW I CANT STOP TALKING TO HER
COS I'M ADMIRING MY OWN WORK EVERYTIME I LOOK AT HER

www.ilovemyroomie.com/cossheletmecutherfringeandnowshelookssupercute

Memories from those taste buds

2011-09-21T09:44:00.003+08:00

I'm still eating the same brand of black sesame, and it still tastes the same.
I still have the habit of sitting by the window, swinging my legs while eating it.
But I'm no longer looking through that frosted window, and you are no longer in my life anymore.

Wherever you are, whoever you've become, whatever you're doing,
I hope the best for you.
Like always

Two of us

2011-09-20T10:30:00.003+08:00

hahahhahah :D
What a happy webby!

My Mum once came home and told me about this stranger who smiled at her when she was in a really foul mood. At that moment, she suddenly felt very bad, cos she realised by being unhappy herself, she was spreading it to the others whenever they look at her. Vice versa, by being a little happier and more friendly, she could have brightened up someone else's day, just like what that stranger had done to hers.

Sometimes I'd meet very nice people on the streets who would just smile at strangers (not in a creepy way though. Just a normal, nice smile), and becos I'm a little slow at times, my brain could only registered the smile AFTER I have walked passed them. Then I'd feel really bad to think that I've just made someone lose a little faith in humanity, but I didn't want to appear as a freak by going all the way back to them just to flash them a smile, so usually I'd end up dwelling in self-blame for the next five minutes.

So if you are like me,
go check this out
Two of us

And that was love

2011-09-19T10:39:00.003+08:00

It was a bone-chilling night in Beijing, and I was just wandering outside by myself (because that's the kind of thing I'd do), when I saw this couple in front of me.

They were walking reallly slowly and I became intrigued by the sharp contrast set between them and the gushing traffic . Though it might sound really chessy, this sight indeed made me feel an inexplicable rush of serenity and contendness.

They were both in their seventies, holding hands and walking in perfect sync. And at that moment, I thought they were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Talking about love and soulmates.
Here's smth beautiful I read in Brida:

When people think of reincarnation, they always come up against a very difficult question: if, in the beginning, there were so few people on the face of the Earth, and now there are so many, where did all those new souls come from? The answer is simple. In certain reincarnations, we divide into two. Our souls divide as do crystals and stars, cells and plants.

Our soul divides into two, and those new souls are in turn transformed into two and so, within a few generations, we are scattered over a large part of Earth.

We form part of what the alchemists call the Anima mundi, the soul of the World. The truth is that if the Anima mundi were merely to keep dividing, it would keep growing, but it would also become gradually weaker. That is why, as well as dividing into two, we also find ourselves. And that process of finding ourselves is called Love. Because when a soul divides, it always divides into a male part and a female part.

That’s how the Book of Genesis explains it: the soul of Adam was spilt in two, and Eve was born out of him.

In each life, we feel a mysterious obligation to find at least one of those Soulmates. The Greater Love that separated them feels pleased with the Love that brings them together again.

“But how will I know who my Soulmate is?”

You could tell your Soulmate by the light in their eyes, and since time began, that has been how people have recognized their true love. By taking risks, by risking failure, disappointment, disillusion, but never ceasing in your search for Love. As long as you keep looking, you will triumph in the end.

“is it possible to meet more than one Soulmate in each life?”

Yes, and when that happens, the heart is divided, and the result is pain and suffering. Yes, we can meet three or four Soulmates, because we are many and we are scattered.

We can also allow our Soulmate to pass us by, without accepting him or her, or even noticing. Then we will need another incarnation in order to find that Soulmate. And because of our selfishness, we will be condemned to the worst torture humankind even invented for itself: loneliness.

I dont want to miss anything

2011-09-17T13:24:00.002+08:00

It sucks to miss someone, something, somewhere
cos there's really nothing you can do about it

so all you do is
sit there
and miss them

I was listening to this song, and even though I dont understand a single word for it, it suddenly reminds me of my days in Beijing.

I hated the coldness when I was there, but now it just looks so lovely
I want to smell the snow again!

When I visit ancient places like this, I'd always imagine what kind of stories had happened there and what kind of people were walking on the exact path as me thousands of years ago

and of course,
I miss wearing winter clothes

Chinese people: BBQ chicken and beef?? Nahh, too mainstream.
How about BBQ scorpions, starfish and seahorses??

I wanted to try initially, but I freaked out when I noticed that some of the scorpions were still moving.

p.s. Started my university life for about one and a half month now. Cant really summarize everything in a line, but dont worry, I'm good (smileyyy face!) I guess I just miss living in a foreign place

Chickennnn

2011-07-24T09:38:00.005+08:00

OMG HAHAHAHHA :D:D:D AHHAHAHDLAJS;LNA HOW I LOVE THIS KIND OF THINGS

Just saying

2011-07-10T18:13:00.003+08:00

Sneak preview of our phuket trip

ohemgee, those days :)))))

p.s. Well a lesson for everyone. Thou shalt NEVER fight with your mum, cos really, it's just impossible to win over the person who gave birth to you

Cereal at midnight yea

2011-06-19T00:58:00.001+08:00

The point?

Sometimes (like now RIGHT NOW), I wish I can make friends with people who are very serious about cereals
and people who have their own cereal spoons
and people who make cool sign language when talking about their cereal and its taste

And why the hell I would think about such thing??

Well, I've been lying in bed and unable to sleep, which happens to me with the same kind of frequency of you witnessing an eclipse, so now, I've finally understood why and how insomnia can be the root of tons of psychological illnesses.
It's just impossible not to think of anything!! Even when you try to, you'd be thinking 'right, stop thinking about anything nowww', and isn't that a thought by itself?

So you'll be thinking about smth
and I mean c'mon, we all know it, you wont be able to think about sunshine puppy children beach morning flowers at 1 or 2am
so this is when all the crazy shitty wasted sick depressing demoralising cynical thoughts came flooding your mind

Maybe that's why most authors, poets, musicians, artists, designers and people whose job requires creativity and inspiration on a daily basis, are mainly the people with sleeping problems and have the one of the highest suicide rates

cos really,
it sucks
not to sleep
:(

Headache like a madman

2011-06-17T01:54:00.001+08:00

I have a massive headache and I don't care if posting a picture of a pair of hairy man's legs in heels will irritate you or that it has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm going to blog about later, which, in case you've successfully acquired the essential skill of inferring from your elementary English classes, you should have known that all I'm gonna do is to complain about my headache, and as I was typing the above I got reminded of a book where the protagonist too had frequent killer headaches which his mum compared it to a meteorology term similar to a thunderstorm or whatsoever and my failure of unable to recall that exact term he used to describe his headaches are adding on to my own headaches, and I really dont care how I'm typing everything so far in a single sentence becos I just feel like abusing my right as the owner of this blog, let alone the fact that I'm a owner with severe headache, but I guess I probably have to stop now as I can totally foresee myself getting a headache in the future when I revisit this post and even though it's paradoxical to say that, since by reading to the point where I said I should stop my future self will already get a headache, I'd still stop here

gawd

Initially, I typed 'God', then on remembering the fact that I'm an atheist, I changed it becos I'm not sure whom I am referring to when I type 'God' and I dont want to confuse myself more at this point of time

(but I guess I'd alrdy did, didnt I)

I dreamt of me and my one of my hulalas (by that I mean candyboys, or sometimes a little more than candyboys, but still generally lumped together under that category). All was well, we were having fun and enjoying ourselves in this gorgeous farm of his. Then his mum got into the picture, and I had to pack and live at my school's hostel but some 80 yr old lady stole my suitcase while I waiting for my bus and I chased her 80mile per hour down an never-ending slope, which I kept imagining myself tripping at one point then tumbling and rolling all the way down. We came up with ingenious plans of meeting at his place again discreetly, but his brother was there but he was totally freaked out cos he said that there were ghosts chasing after him and I hugged him cos he was crying like mad, but for some reason he got super angry and started chasing and shooting us with this big-ass rifle. I was injured and my hulala was shot dead and the last scene was me hugging and crying over his dead body desperately like Lion King and his papa.

Then I woke up

And right at the moment when I opened my eyes, my right ear started to hurt.

Not the kind of sharp pain like a broken arm, it's periodical, more like dunks during a match. You dont get them every minute, but once they happen, you can be rest assured that its impact is prominent and its aftermath is sure to linger on.

Yup, so that goes on for the whole day

and near the mid afternoon, the pain has spread to the right side of my head. And as I always have the habit of applying pressure and hurting the place which is hurting more (as the saying goes 以毒攻毒), I kept pressing and knuckling my head but that pain is some smarty-panty bitch. It hurts at different parts every time, so that my tactics wont work

And all of this reminds me of the opening quote of "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova

"Even then, more than a year earlier, there were neurons in her head, not far from her ears, that were being strangled to death, too quietly for her to hear them. Some would argue that things were going so insidiously wrong that the neurons themselves initiated events that would lead to their own destruction. Whether it was molecular murder or cellular suicide, they were unable to warn her of what was happening before they died."

What a bad omen

p.s. I just couldnt let go of what book and which term it is, so after much painful searching, I finally got it. "The term, "Godsplitter," comes from a novel by Craig Clevenger, called, "The Contortionist's Handbook." A truly perfect term for these. Textbooks list them as "suicide headaches," and as "the worst pain known to humankind." ' sweet.

Thank you Dallas for the justice

2011-06-13T11:07:00.006+08:00

The moment when the humble team beats the cocky team, which your favourite team had ridiculously lost to in the previous rounds:

Then you realised that it's not really that much of a revenge, cos the title still doesn't belong to your favourite team, so you're like:

But then again,
it'd have been much worse if those arrogant fellas had won, so:

To start off, I've never liked the Miami Heat. Too arrogant, too narcissistic, too individualistic. Why can one have the face to say that they're gonna build a dynasty when they didnt even acquire one title together?! Even with Celtics Big three in their first year, all they said was 'we were going after banner 17th', and here's Heat, creating a DYNASTY.
yeah right

And while Celtics players are extremely pleasing to eyes, the Heat challenges me visually every single time without failed. From the head coach, to LBJ when Heat's leading, and of course, not forgetting the all-time kills ostrich Chris Bosh (whom I couldn't even bear to look at).

But whatever it is, everyone has gotten what they've deserved. The Heat learned a lesson about humility, the Dallas finally won their first franchise championship title and the retarded Danny Angie should have understood the outcome of not practicing what one had preached when he brought in the whole Ubuntu thing and then sent Perkins away abruptly.

And with this

the 2010-2011 season ends

p.s. I have an urge to say to LeBron "Hi James, isn't it cool that both you and me have the same number of championship ring?"

Fats Donation starting soon

2011-06-03T23:59:00.003+08:00

Need to start exercising because that's the way of healthy living:

Have to shape up so that I can be friends with pretty skinny girls in college:

Must slim down so that I can breathe properly in tight clothes:

Tone up so that I can take nice beach photos during THE coming Phuket trip:

Radiohead just makes everything epic(er)

2011-05-29T12:36:00.003+08:00

One of the best movies
Amazing colours, lots of slow motions, twisted beyond twisted storyline
couldn't love it more

Need I say more?
You know you've made it in this world when you're starting to inspire baby-names
and it even had the future Spiderman on set!

Jellyfish Lake, Republic of Palau

Twelve thousand years ago these jellyfish became trapped in a natural basin on the island when the ocean recede. With no predators amongst them for thousands of years, they evolved into a new species that lost most of their stinging ability as they no longer had to protect themselves.

It's surreal and euphorically epic to swim amongst thousands of jellyfish. But that's because we are human and we've never been surrounded by SOO many jellyfish before. So will the jellyfish feel the same if I were to put it in a jar and maneuver through crowds of people in slow motion?
I wonder.

Updates yea

2011-05-26T20:03:00.002+08:00

What I've been up to:

This

and this

and maybe some of this

Randommmmmmmmmmmmm

2011-05-21T19:11:00.004+08:00

Was just lazing around the net when I saw this post of "32 photos you have to see if you are going to die tomorrow" (or smth along that line) and I was expecting really gorgeous high-resolution photos when they are just basically like these ones:

Mini-horse in apple store?
You go, Grandma!

I love how uncomfortable this cat looks.
And it's as if she finds this knitted sweater really, really lame

I thought it was a screwed up chicken, but it's a baby owl!
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Why look so sad??
Or maybe it's just all bulldogs' default face

BABY PENGUIN MEETS BABY DOLPHIN!!!
omgawd, can I have his job plss??

It's a good thing that I dont have a cat like this, otherwise it'll be very hard for me to resist the temptation of wiping my shoes on it before I step into the house

In case you can't tell, this is a polar bear with a cone stuck to his head
I have no comment
it just looked plain dumb
like a human

Alright
Since I have shared photos of such quality, I thought it'd only be fair if I could show some at the other end of the quality spectrum

So yea, here you go

It reminds me of our upcoming phuket trip
omgomgomgomgomg I REALLY hope it'll materialize!!!

woahwoahwoah

Yee Peng Festival at Chiang Mai

After watching Tangled (one of my great LOVES), I'm determined that I WILL witness the true beauty of these sky lanterns for myself one day

What can I say, Disney just infiltrates our minds

Awesomeness at its best

I dont even know what to say anymore
Places like that are places that I imagine myself going to after death (only at times when I think I'm actually a good person), but to know that actual breathing human beings do live here just made me....

almost as immaculate as a mannequin

So haunting, almost "Orphan"- like

Wadi Resort by Oppenheim

Must visit this place once in my life
or
I can go there for my honeymoon

provided that I can get married
provided that I can get married and not just to some outlandish beardy hobo sailor/tailor/explorer/director/painter

and suddenly, that dream just seemed so distant away
oh man

To my dearest C's

2011-05-12T11:18:00.001+08:00

yes

it's over

Really painful, but we all have to face it

Ever since December 2010, I haven't missed a single live Celtics game and just three hours ago, their 2010-2011 playoff has officially come to an end.

For these past months, these guys above are basically my absolute obsession, or should I say, the main focus of my life
I could forgo anything to catch their games and the outcome was usually the main determinant of my mood for that day, or for the days until their next game

In summary, you just have no idea how possessed and obsessed I was

why

because Boston Celtics is more than basketball and winning the game
Boston is a brotherhood

To my two utmost loves

To my team

And of course,
to the one who has changed the entire Celtics culture and history when he arrived in Boston
to the one who has greatly inspired many
to the one who taught us the real meaning of intensity, glory, passion and pride
to the only person whom I've fallen in love at the first sight
to one of the greatest player in the NBA history

Thanks for all the adrenaline and wonderful memories
There's no more remorse or disappointment,
just gratefulness
for even being able to part of this golden age

This would probably go down to the Celtics' history and though it's really heart-pulverizing to acknowledge that fact, it's okay

because my big 3 had taught him well
and a new era is just burgeoning

because this is
the Celtics pride

I'll see you in October
AWOL

I don't want to leave. So don't push me

2011-05-09T22:52:00.003+08:00

You know sometimes when we know a person long enough, when we like a person deep enough, no matter how much he or she changes after that, we're just gonna stick with them and never be able to leave them again.

Well,
that's how you are to me now

You used to be so easy to love
really

but now I find myself avoiding to meet you
because I'm really afraid that something between us will wither and pulverized each time I meet you

I really want to like you the way I've used to
Sp please don't make it so hard for me

Alt Ng

2011-05-05T23:28:00.005+08:00

I seriously thought it was you, Ng

WHERE'S THE LOVE

2011-05-03T00:34:00.003+08:00

I have quit my job last Friday, though it's only 9-3, I still feel like it's taking up too much of my time, moreover, it's my holiday right now, so shouldn't I at least enjoy my last bit of true freedom until the crazy college life starts to kick in again?

Okay. That was rhetorical.

The purpose of this post is for me to do some reflection on my life, or should I say, love life in particular. Before I start, I would want to clarify that it's not exactly like I'm emo-ing at 2a.m. (though the disappointing Game 1 versus the Heat at 3am last night was really bad :( okay, stop the digression xizi!), it just happened that I was listening to Adele when I flickred upon this really beautiful photo with a even more beautiful story.

And hence comes the outpouring of sentiments and nostalgic recollections.
aka emo-ing

Anyway, to stimulate the ambiance, please listen to the song and go check out the photo before continue the read
i

Story here

"I'm not even trying, and neither do I dare, to ask you to love me, I just wish you'd know how much I actually love you. That's all."

That's the first thought that came to my mind, yeah emo is my middle name and blah blah, I know I know. Well, the shitty part is that I realised, on a second thought, that I don't even LOVE you and there isn't even any YOU in the first place.

To phrase it another way, I never had the "nothing that I wouldn't do, go to the ends of the Earth for you, to make you feel my love" feeling for anyone before. Well, there were times when I thought I did, but they NEVER last long, or should I say not more than three days. And as for the 'YOU', there isn't a specific 'THE YOU' that I could think of, it's just a mash of YOU(S), with some as trivial (but memorable, nonetheless) as an one-off encounter.

So yeah, that's basically my love life for my nineteen yrs spent on this planet.
HOW SAD IS THAT?! I'm talking about my love life here but there's no love to talk about in the first place at all! Gawdd, this is really starting to freak me out.

I hope I wasn't make to be asexual or smth.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.

I DONT WANT TO BE ASEXUALLLLLL!!!! T.T

I can't ask for more now

2011-04-25T00:12:00.006+08:00

I'm feeling this unexplainable surge of euphoria which I tried to describe in words, which I failed (as usual) and so I'm gonna let the pictures do the work

Do you understand now?
It's like seeing COLE & FREJA TOGETHERR WITH DOUBLE R

YOU KNOW?
LIKE IT'S FUCKING PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL THAT YOU JUST WENT SPEECHLESS AND WANT TO PRAY TO THANK GOD FOR ALL THESE WONDERFUL THINGS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT EVEN HAVE ANY RELIGIOUS BELIEF??

Well that's it.

Actually I don't even understand why I am feeling like this. Maybe it's just how all the small wonderful things are all happening simultaneously and so now, it's like a giant ball of happiness. Or maybe it's just me realizing that I'm finally finally not caring anymore, and it's not even like pretending to be not caring anymore, it's absolutely authentically genuine

And thus,
I won this game

How wonderful is this
Welcome back xizi

You'll be fine and he'll be gone

2011-04-19T14:51:00.002+08:00

When no one is in the office, and you have nothing to do, and everyone you've called is either working or busy, and your head voices are quarelling and fighting with one another,
please listen to this

and
calm
down

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you'd offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn't make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being alone means you're free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you're with is the one you're meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you're judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you'll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that's why it's worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn't always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it's up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

Gone case

2011-04-18T08:11:00.003+08:00

When asked what's the weirdest thing I've ever eaten

I can finally stop saying fried grasshoppers

now I can say

my contacts

Don't even ask how that happened. Don't.

Hi mum, imissyou

2011-04-01T10:42:00.003+08:00

Look how my mama rocked that oversize sweater, mini skirt, translucent stockings, low rise boots and those KICK-ASS SHADIESSSSS!!

Sorry babes, I'm just a little too high over the celtics' win at the spurs today
LET'S GO CELTICS!!

First 365Listen

2011-03-29T00:42:00.004+08:00

Very inspired by Care365, I've decided to start my own 365 project, hoping that it'd be a very good chance for me to really put in consistent effort in producing images and also, of course, to be more connected to life through reflection and expression. (gosh, why do I sound like I'm writing some cliche personal statement *smack self*)

Okay anyway,
my 365 project is called 365Listen because I'm going to include a line of the song that I'm listening to at the moment of the editing process and here's my FIRST WORK!

The little line of words at the bottom of the image comes from this lovely song 'The Circus is Cheaper When it Rains' by Dan Rodriguez

Nothing, just contended

2011-03-26T00:31:00.002+08:00

What a peaceful and beautiful day

Goodnight world
Have a very sweet dream tonight

Way to go little me!

2011-03-22T15:21:00.003+08:00

Was looking through the old photos when I chanced upon this photo of me when I was seven (with a broken arm) and this sudden surge of blossoming inspiration came flooding into my head.

I mean, look at the clothes, the face expression and omgawdly the hair!!

You might think I'm joking, like you know, embarrassed by smth so you just made a joke out of it, but no, I'm serious (and superbloodyserious) to say that I think I was really awesome as a kid

On a side note, I just can't love the Celtics more! What a game today! What a game!

Face that, you are all by yourself

2011-03-14T00:14:00.003+08:00

According to a Harvard Professor, We are all alone in this great big universe because there's no alien life in our universe

And you know what, I think we are actually more alone than being the only one planet with life in the universe, because personally, I think it's more correct to say that everyone is actually all alone by themselves in the whole universe.

yea, all alone

I'm not being emo, in case you are stereotyping every person who talks about loneliness as being an emo freak. But don't you think I make sense? In this WHOLE world, there's only one person, who looks like you, smells like you, talks like you, thinks like you and went through the same things as you.

And that's you

So no one really knows or understands you (and they will never be able to) and neither do you really know or understand someone else too. We see aliens as something/someone that we are unable to relate to, something/someone who are different from whom we are. So isn't it the same between people and people? We are like living all alone among aliens, whom we don't understand entirely and who don't understand us entirely too.

This is not the first time I ponder about this whole IAMBLOODYALONEINTHISWHOLEUNIVERSE idea. But they ended up the same way every time; 1) the whole thought just made me want to go and live on a mountain by myself more
2) I was so overwhelmed and in such a low-spirit that I just want to go and sleep (which acts as the most effective and convenient form of escapism for me)
3) feeling better because that fully explains why someone else is making life difficult for me by not understanding me.

And that's because, they are aliens

Candy Chang

2011-03-09T22:59:00.003+08:00

Chanced upon Candy Chang's works and felt in love with her works immediately.

From her webby "Her parents immigrated from Taiwan to the U.S. and she grew up in the cornfields of Ohio and beyond. She now lives in New Orleans where she’s loving porches, palm trees, and ceiling fans while working on public art projects, big and small. She believes that one of the greatest things in life is spending time in public places with the people you love. She also believes that these spaces can better serve the people who live, work, and play in them."

Some of her small projects:

"Pedestrians in the city often find themselves walking in deep thought. A routine trip can prompt reflections on everything from future goals to last night’s dinner conversation. Sidewalk Psychiatry encourages self-evaluation in transit by posing critical questions on the pavements of New York City with stencils and temporary spray chalk."

"The Neighbor Doorknob Hanger is a simple, double-sided sign that provides a friendly platform for residents in dense quarters to offer and request things at everyone’s convenience."

"Ask people why they live here and they get emotional. It’s because there was an instant connection. It’s because there’s something about this city. It’s good to be here."

Bigger Projects:

Before I die...
"I turned the side of an abandoned house in my neighborhood into a giant chalkboard where residents can fill in the blank and remember what is important to them in life. It’s also about turning a neglected space into a constructive one where we can learn the hopes and aspirations of the people around us."

I Wish This Was
"I made these fill-in-the-blank stickers to provide an easy tool to voice what we want, where we want it. Just fill them out and put them on abandoned buildings and beyond. The stickers are custom vinyl and they can be easily removed without damaging property. It’s a fun, low-barrier tool for citizens to provide civic input on-site, and the responses reflect the hopes, dreams, and colorful imaginations of different neighborhoods."

How I love creative people who seek to improve our lives, no matter how insignificant it might seem to be.

墨水about青春

2011-03-07T00:55:00.002+08:00

青春是什么？

青春就是不做作的情感。开心，就爽朗地扬声大笑，就算整个课室的同学都转过来看也无所谓。悲伤，就一把眼泪一把鼻涕地嚎啕大哭，就算是在大街上也照样哭。生气，就把招惹你的人骂个狗血淋头，就算有损形象也顾不了那么多。也正是因为这种毫无拘束的行为，我们时常会被大人们训，说我们不懂事，不会控制自己的情绪。在这些教导下久了，我们渐渐地学会察言观色，学会在什么人和什么场合下表现出最恰当的情绪。明明腹肌都因为想笑而一阵阵地在抽筋，当脸上却还要摆出一副认真的样子。明明心里像被烫着似的猛地在收缩，脸上却还挂着那早已僵硬的微笑。明明恨一个人恨到吧不得他明天就能被车撞死，但表面上却装作对他尊敬不得了的样子。久了，就连想哭的时候都哭不出来了，最后变得想一个木头人，不再会表达自己的心情。

青春就是一股傻劲。爱一个人，能默默地毫无计较地、卑微地、胆怯地去爱他，即使他最终选择不是你，又或许他根本就没注意到你的存在，但只要每天能看到他，心里就能够满足了。我们以爱为名，想尽方法制造相遇的机会，却装作不经心的偶遇；我们每天每夜在线上，只为了能在网上遇到他；我们节省下零用钱，为了能在他生日到临前买到它最想逃的鞋子；我们每天无论有多忙，一定会在晚上把他的短信读一遍；读他喜欢的书，听他喜欢的音乐，做他喜欢的事，到底为了什么自己也说不上来，但就是心甘情愿地去做，有时甚至还会感到小小的幸福。到了最后就算爱错了，还是会把那段回忆小心翼翼地方在心里深处，想起来时，嘴角还会不知不觉地往上扬。但终会有一天，我们会长大，会把他抛开，会冷静理智，开始现实地看待感情，却再也傻不起来了，真不知道这到底是好事还是坏事。

青春就是一个借口。做错了事，最容易找的理由就是我们还小，不懂事，所以应该再给我们一个机会尝试。看到别人有了了不起的成就，就找借口说自己还年轻，有的是时间去取得自己的成功。但其实我们自己都很清楚，青春只是我们的保护色，只是我们的挡箭牌，是为我们霸道、无理取闹的行为以及失败和挫折解释的最佳借口。我们死死地抓住青春的尾巴，因为我们恐惧长大后我们即将面对的责任和负担。

青春，谁都想要，但谁也不能永远拥有它。就让我们把那些事，那些人，那永远不会再有的天真，那满腹的如水温情，那随水成尘无猜的淡然岁月，变成一种幻想，一种臆想，成为远方和梦中的风景。

Oh my, can you believe I wrote this when I was in secondary 3?? I was totally impressed by myself after I read it! I've got so much 墨水!! Woah!

All Time Dream Place

2011-03-03T01:42:00.007+08:00

Я не должен желать чуда, я знаю это, но правда будет больно мое сердце.
все не будет хорошо.

Discover this amazing place when I was wandering around my neighbourhood in Beijing. It was fenced off so I had to climb over a 2 metres+ rusty fence, but it was totally worthwhile because I had been dreaming of seeing such places with my own eyes for a really really long time.

It was a moment of dream-come-true, very overwhelming indeed.
On a side-note, I really like my header picture now

Keyboard dissected

2011-02-28T15:28:00.003+08:00

I was cleaning my house just now (it's smack-head MESSY! gawd) and I got distracted when I found an old keyboard.

Here's what I've got:

keyboard = front cover + back cover + wire + 8 screws + 2 layers of plastic + pale pinkish rubber circles (reason why the keys felt so "bouncy" when pressed)

I felt like a mildly rebellious computer-fascinated geek

I'll survive well for now, but if my results on Friday *shall not speak of inauspicious things*, then I shall go and 流浪天涯 which means I'd become a 浪子 (which rhythms with my name. Is that really my fate?)

Hello sweat, goodbye snowie

2011-02-27T23:52:00.004+08:00

Hi all, I'm officially back in Singapore. Officially, meaning I'm home, bathed and accessing blogger rightfully (instead of hiding my IP address and lagging my internet with that Hotspot Shield. argh)

I know I have A LOT of updates and also A LOT of catching up to do, but right now I'm going to watch the replay of this morning's Celtics vs Clippers match. It's the FIRST Celtics match I missed in months! ): I havent check the scores yet, hope they won though and even if they didnt, I'm going to convince myself that that's becos of Perkins's sudden departure.

HELLO SINGAPORE AND CELTICS FOR LIVEEEEEEEEEEEE*more E's deleted here*

Tomorrow, all you'll see is green

2011-02-10T11:08:00.004+08:00

♣

p.s. I know it's been a while, so updates and photos will be up soon. It snowed last night, and right now the way the snowflakes float down the sky make me feel like I'm living in a slow-motion epic movie.

They are alll the same, so far

2011-01-12T21:36:00.002+08:00

Sorry that I went missing for a few days, I was feeling kind of anti-social

Whatever happens, please remember that I'm always here
I can't love you more

не плачь, потому что я здесь

Never Let Me Go

2011-01-07T23:47:00.004+08:00

Watch this today because I read the original novel before, and even though I only managed to read half of it, it left a really deep impression in me. The movie was good, I think, there's this strong sense of emptiness, depression and suppression throughout the movie, but surprisingly they are not overwhelming at all. In fact, I think they made the movie more serene and beautiful, together with the plot, people and sceneries of course.

That's the cover of the edition that I read, just more old and yellow and slightly smelly. I always judge a book by its cover (literally), so I was surprised by myself that I'd even pick up this book in the first place.

Gorgeous actor and actresses (though I think Andrew Garfield has got a really comical last name and is hot in a small-headed and wierd-mouthed way)

Beautiful sceneries, oh mann~ I'm going to swoon!

Just to emphasize again how cute all three of them are

The last scene

And of course, last but definitely not the least, the de javu picture
Sometimes, fate can be a really mystical thing

"It never occurred to me that our lives, until then so closely interwoven could unravel and separate over a thing like that."

"We took away your art because we thought it would reveal your souls. Or to put it more finely, we did it to prove you had souls at all."

"I don't dare to fantasize beyond that. I can't. I remind myself that I was lucky to have any time with him at all. But I'm not sure about, are our lives so different from the lives of the people we saved. We'll all complete."

The last time I saw this face, it was last year

2011-01-06T23:45:00.004+08:00

WE SKYPED FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY!

hahhaha both of us are skype virgins, can you believe that?!

I miss this stupid woman, but she sucks

There she was, happily wearing T-SHIRT in SIGLAP STARBUCKS (with ru xiu wei gan barista) while I'm a thousand miles away at ябао street, wearing (sexy~woohoo) leather coat in a room filled with loud-speaking and fat angmohs.

Anyway sorry sexy, I moved all these (and more) snapshots of yours onto the desktop and I forgot to delete them :P and that laptop was his. Oops

I love being invisible, so go on and talk

2011-01-02T21:04:00.005+08:00

This is not really what I wanna say...

Well, I just wanna say that I really like it when adults treat you as invisible, and talk about ALL kind of stuff in front of you.

The company people, the business conspiracy, the family secrets, the scheming plans, the complicated relationships...............

WOAHWOAHWOAH

I LOVE THISSSSSS!! (btw I'm still invisible to them now)

Anyway, was deleting my tumblr just now (what's wrong with me nowadays? First Facebook, now tumblr?) and I came across this cutie. (Digression: Morecolemohr is following me!! Can you believe it?! But too bad, I'm still deleting my tumblr)

Really Cute isnt it?!

But he turns out really typical ):

He said at his introduction that 'lil wayne and cunt' are his favourite words and he's totally obsessed with Megan Fox

What do you think -.-

Seems like he's not the candidate who will travel to strange lands, whisper to skies and wear weird outfits with me. oh wells

НОВЫЙ ГОД

2011-01-01T18:02:00.003+08:00

A new year, a new hope, a new chance
как интересно

Some random updates and notes

(I'm so lazy that I dont even bother to separate updates from notes. Sorry for that yea?)

1) It didnt snow, damn. There was only a little little while of snowflakes. Then it stopped. Oh welllllllllllllllllllllll :(

2) "西子?"
"舅妈?"
I'm so so sorry apple xp! Iloveyou, youknowthatyea <3>

3) I dyed my hair (for the first time in my life) today. I wanted bright red (CHARLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE) but mum would probably disown me, so in the end I went for (the super boring) brown. Now it's brown (needless to say), but it's not THAT obvious afterall. On a side note, please dont unfriend me, Ng, I know you said before that we should never dye our hair.

4) I was telling apple earlier on the phone, so I guess I should tell yall too. The average temp over here in Beijing is around -4 to -11 nowadays and we all know that water freezes under zero (but not necessary that there'll be snow). There's this day I washed my hair and went out. When I touched my hair later on, I got a shocked! MY HAIR WAS SOLID HARD!! The water on my hair had frozen and formed ice! hahhaha for the first time in my life, I had to hold my hair to melt it (weirdness ttm)

5) I walked passed some street stall selling pirated movies one day and I overheard one guy saying, "WOAH! 'Saw' has only shown until 7 in theatres and you alrdy have 'Saw 9'?!"

6) My clothes and bag weighed a total of 7kg. Maybe that's the reason why my weight is going down, despite the fact I havent been exercising. Imagine carrying a 7kg load and walk around all day, I can totally join NS I think.

7) I had my fake tooth done, so now I can finally chew with my right side after 6 months not using my right side AT ALL. Just telling you, I know it's not anything exciting to you but it is to me!

Now, this is for myself:
PLEASE GET YOURSELF A BOYFRIEND AND A JOB ASAP. TYVM

YAYYYYYYY!!

2010-12-29T11:35:00.001+08:00

IT'S FREAKING SNOWINGGGGGGGGGG!!

OMGAWDDDDDDDDDDD

страх

2010-12-27T20:54:00.002+08:00

There's no страх in the first place
and no one is playing games with you

You, or maybe we
are just fucked up in the head

On a brighter note, Miss Ng Jing Qi, could we marry each other if we still couldnt find the right guy by the time we're 35? (cos I think the rest will get married really early unlike us *sadness*)

p.s I saw a man bleeding fountain from his head today, and he was calling on the phone and finding the nearest exit, like it's just oh-no-my-nose-is-bleeding-again
Welcome to China, everyone

влечение

2010-12-26T16:32:00.008+08:00

You know what they said about parallel lines?

The usual they'd never meet, they exist in their own non-intersecting worlds...

kind of stuff

But you know how I see parallel lines now?

They are so unbelievably similar,

originating from the same direction,

moving through the same path,

and heading towards the same destination,

And sometimes,

you wouldn't even notice that they've merged

because they are one

I wont believe in Christmas anymore

2010-12-25T13:37:00.003+08:00

I nearly died today.

And I'm not even exaggerating.

gawd

With this, I'm done with facebook
Don't miss me too much though

2nd Dec - 25th Dec
How many new places could one go in 23 days?
How many new people could one meet in 23 days?
How many new things could one learn in 23 days?
How much new feelings could one experience in 23 days?

How much could one's life change in 23 days?

∞
I can't even believe myself.

NOSE!!

2010-12-01T09:17:00.001+08:00

I cried laughing.

Bad karma xizi, bad karma

Please be considerate when you're watching Harry Potter

2010-11-26T23:42:00.005+08:00

Today was bad.

Probably the worst day of November for me.

Flea was bad, super failed

Rushed back for specs, in torturing shoes

Damn Tokopachi woman

Damn 3/4-is-not-the-side-seats woman

Damn noisy girl who kept using your phone beside me during the show

Damn guy who kept pushing and kicking my seat, even after I told you to stop

But luckily, the show was good enough to make everything else insignificant

Because

Harry Potter was my childhood.

Adding on after posted:

I just received three msg from three different friends (sorry, I fell asleep at 8 and only woke up at midnight)

Looks like I'm not the only one having a bad day

Ohgawd ):

Darlings, please,

No matter what happen, please don't forget that everything happens for a reason

and the most important thing to do is to love yourselves and of course, hold on to the ones whom we loved dearly and who loved us too

Give love a chance

Today, A's are (kinda) over

2010-11-23T23:39:00.002+08:00

I still cant really comprehend this.

It's all too surreal

A's are over

Oh gawd

i dont like today

2010-09-20T21:59:00.004+08:00

I had two screwed up papers today, and I happened to watch a channel5 movie on some african mega-size killer alligator and that screwed up my mood. So I decided to better myself feel better by blasting trashy Ke$ha songs in the shower but that just made me feel more screwed than ever.

I hope your 20th sept is better than mine. I can't wait for this screwed up day to end

FALL DOWN HAHHAAHAHH!!!

2010-09-16T23:27:00.001+08:00

Omg I think I'll develop abs from laughing AHAHAHQHHAHHSAHSHFHAHAHA!!! I know it's mean, but I just cant stop laughing when people fall down! But maybe I wouldnt get karma for that, since I laugh at myself when I fell too

Again

2010-09-09T21:01:00.003+08:00

Too bad I found this too late

Everytime I thought I've forgotten, you'd remind me why I have disliked you in the first
place. Thank you for teaching me, again, the meaning of 本性难改

Pile of skins under table

2010-09-06T16:01:00.004+08:00

TJ students have weird fetish such as peeling their skins and then arranging them neatly to leave under the table as a pleasant surprise for the next class.

So imagine my shock when I was bored during double chem and decided to pull out the keyboard section (dont ask me why chem lesson was in the com lab) of the table and got a super microscopic view at the pile of skins bcos I was resting my face on the table.

From past experience with blistersssszzz, I can confirm that those are from the sole, but I dont thnk it's bcos of blisters bcos they look way too healthy (blister skins are usually more flaky and dryish).

So yea, we all have weird fetish.
What's yours?

True Ad Touches Your Heart

2010-08-31T23:12:00.002+08:00

I hope this has made you cry, or at least tear.
Because I did.

23

2010-08-24T08:37:00.000+08:00

那么快就两年了
安吧

Love of Siam

2010-08-22T22:17:00.004+08:00

Watched "Love of Siam" this afternoon.
I dont want badass rocker boy anymore.
I want gentle and calm boy who smells like
sea breeze and talks like piano.
Preferably with thai accent.
Preferably this guy hahaah :D

And I want to become a guy so that I can gay with him.

P.s watching this movie reminds me so much of my days in thailand, especially phuket. Those days are golden <3>

Cheerfully depressed

2010-08-21T00:29:00.001+08:00

I'm a cheerfully depressed person,
capable of laughing and providing laughters,
But people who really know me will know that I'm actually very different from the rest,
In the sense that I think differently and yearn for different things.

I am often saddened. Deeply saddened.
By the immediate acceptance of selfishness and greed once economic is concerned.
By meaningless fights over money and power which ultimately sacrificed the innocents.
By the absolute belief that consumerism is indeed the route to a better world.
By superficial interactions.
By insincerey.
By hypocrisy.
By erosion of values.
By the worship of the detrimentals.
By systems that aim to conform and consistently telling you how you should judge yourself based on their criterion.
By the rush to define and categorize anything new or different because people just cannot accept the paradoxical idea of the undefined, which is defined as anything that is not defined.
By the numerous struggles of the individuals to bring about a change but eventually succumbing to fear and helplessness.

I'm lamenting.

The only reason I can think of for why I'm having all these confusing and depressing
thoughts and the 2hrs of emo talk today is
my PMS. Which is an accepted justification for crimes in some countries. Just telling you.

All those bad calcium in ma mouth

2010-08-12T18:02:00.003+08:00

Ever since my tooth made me ache like ahellpantyhose, this have been my dream. But it's SOO much better now, cos I went to the dentist to drill half of it off ytd.

SHIOK

Tooth, you will soon be 死无全尸(dead without complete corpse)!! Ahahahhaha!!!

Just prescribe me red wine

2010-08-09T15:25:00.004+08:00

I'm experiencing a weird feeling now, like I'm very confused, very unwell, very depressed and I'm trying to make some constructive thnkin but my brain feels like it has built a 10ft platinium wall around it, preventing all neurons from reaching it.

So I'm D:
in fact, DD:

Ytd my throat was on fire and I was pracitcally puking out my phlegm (i thought it was lung cancer for a moment, cos it came so suddenly), today it's gotten much better but since last night, Mr Fever decided to go into me (that sounds very wrong) and so I've been laying in bed/sofa since last night.

I'm very confused becos I duno if I'm feeling hot or cold (I feel hot when I walk around, cold when I'm in bed) and that reminds me of my future, cos I too duno what I want to do abt it. While typing the above, my mucus just flowed out and I dont even know it until I taste smth salty on my lips! So now what?! Everything is gg out of control!!?

All these are making me very depressed but not to the extent of crying, firstly becos of my half-dead brain that is incapable of generating emotions, secondly becos of my super inactive tear gland.

And I'm overwhelmed by loneliness T.T becos here I am, laying pathetically in bed under the blanket, while the full blast 3pm national day sun is streaming into the room, dyeing everything golden. It's like standing among a crowd in a party but you cant feel the high ):

It might all sound like a joke to you but I'm really very unwell now and it sucks to be unwell and sad on holiday

The 3349/3394 saga

2010-08-08T15:19:00.004+08:00

Few days ago, I was super bored. So to entertain myself, I decided to.... MESSAGE STRANGERS! (I know, it's damn retarded, but I'm retarded dont you know that)

I sent random phrases like "I'm wanna be the sky in my next life" or "I'm gg to Africa to roam around with zebras, lions and giraffes. You?" And the responses are typically "sent wrong person?" or even better. A woman with indonesian accent called me and repeated my africa msg to me and another man called me to intro himself and wanted to start a chat, but he got a bangladeshy accent and talked very slowly so I told him I sent wrong person and hung up.

Cos I was scared.
Not that I'm racist, just that I am intimidated by them. Secretly.
Ya.

Okay dont digress.

The point is, I then msg another random number (ends with 3349) and lamented a lil about life. The person asked me who I was, and I said "just ignore me. I just wanted to msg a stranger"

He then replied, "lol sure thing. Xi zi how did you get my number again?"

IWASFREAKEDOUTLIKEWTF

So I asked WHO ARE YOU?? HOW COME U KNOW ME?? And after making me waited for one hour, the person replied to say he got the same shock at first too, cos for a moment he thought I was his ex and asked me not to be so pessimistic. But refused to tell me who he is.

Here comes part two.
I was pondering abt his identity for the whole day ytd and nth makes sense cos none of my friends has his no. So I msg him again to ask him who he is and me being ingeniously ingenious, sent to 3394.

And 3394 replied "did you send the wrong person? Who are you?" When I read that I was perplexed ttm (like what?! You dont know me, then u know me? Then u duno me again?! Wtff?!) But of course I realised I sent wrong number soon after that, so I said sorry. Then 3394 and I started talking and I told 3394 about 3349, who confused me and made me confused another person.

Part three
After one day, 3349 suddenly replied this "Hey xi zi im just an enigma forget bout me and good luck with ur life. Hope u managed to settle whatever it is u had to work out. :) u can always holla if u need someone to hear u out". He then mentioned smth about remembering his JC life as hell and acjc.

You know what 3349, I'm gg to listen to you and forget abt you cos I sryly think you are a creep who secretly crush on me. And the bloody magnum gold last night screwed up my throat totally, so I'm busy couging my throat out and hence have no time for you. Goodbye goodday

We live in yesterday, yesteryear, yesterlife

2010-07-28T16:45:00.002+08:00

There are places you avoid to go
Songs you avoid to listen
Words you avoid to use
Dates you avoid to write
Clothes you avoid to wear
Things you avoid to do
Names you avoid to say

Just to avoid being reminded of the people or that one person who created those memories with you.

But dont we all know,
That deep down,
They never really leave our minds, do they

TOOTHACHE LA! T.T

2010-07-27T20:32:00.001+08:00

Omgomg my tooth is hurting like hellHELLH-E-L-L!!!!! SO MUCH THAT I WANT TO KILL MAHSELF GOSHH!!

I FEEL LIKE TYPING IN CAPS ALL THE WAY COS I'M HURTING LIKE 2*+64RS123*7YYE AND I HAVE TO DO SMTH TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM THE PAIN BUT I GUESS IT WILL IRRITATE YOU YEA? COS I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE READING VERY FAST AND SILENTLY SCREAMING ALL THE WORDS TO MYSELF WHEN READING CAPS.

So yea, I thnk the reason it hurts is becos the duck that I was eating just now, whose flesh was so damnhell firm that I have to tear it off forcefully with my teeth. So I guess I accidentally pissed off some tooth nerves in the process AHHHHH!!!

Tooth aside, my entire body is pretty much screwed up. I have asymmetrical eyebrows (thankyou ahqi, I thnk yours are somewhat contagious), uneven lashes, puny nails embedded in flesh, bloodless palms and soles, SUPER ACTIVE mole-growing-mechanism, imbalanced shoulders (thankyou totebags) and imbalanced ribcage (somehow the right one is more protuding than the left, maybe I have a bigger right lung).

OMGEEEE I CANT TAKE THIS I CANT TAKE THIS!! I WAS PRETENDING TO BE ENGROSSED IN TYPING ALL ALONG WHILE SECRETLY THINKING OF MY PAIN BUT NOW I THNK IT KNOWSS BECOS IT'S STILL NOT GG AWAYYYY!!

ARGHHH!!

NEXT TIME ANYONE PISS ME OFF IMMA GONNA CURSE HIM/HER THAT "I WISH PARASITES AND E.COLI F*** ALL YOUR TEETH AND MAKE THEM ROT AND DECOMPOSE AWAY SLOWWWWLYYY!!!", COS SRSLY, TOOTHACHE IS THE WORST KIND OF PAIN!! T.TT.T.T.T.T.T.TT.T.T.T.T

This is for you

2010-07-19T20:36:00.004+08:00

It's always like that

We are always better for those worse than us
And worse for those better than us
So that's why we have to learn to love ourselves, my friend
Love ourselves before anyone does,
Love ourselves more than anyone will

I want to give you everything I have and do everything I can just to make you happy again
But that's only the most I can do
For I cannot give you the love that you want

So, please
Love yourself and never let them put you down
And you must know that you are a real gem and deserve nothing but the best.

For everything you are,
I love you, my friend

Matt love

2010-07-14T23:54:00.000+08:00

It's official.
I'm in love with Matt Caplin.
A man with a heart of gold and eyes of crystal.
I hate to share him with you but he's too great to be kept by me alone.

www.noinever.blogspot.com

The wounds they love me

2010-07-11T23:03:00.004+08:00

I kept getting kissed by blisters for a period of time. Thanks to the super thin sole and the scorching hot court. If you are a blister expert, you'd know that this one is super fresh, the kind that the water had just burst out.

It got better, but the flaky part was damn tempting. I couldnt stop playing with it.

Then it reproduced and gave birth to another blister on another foot.

This swollen and bluish pinkie got me excused from Pe cos I told the teacher I sprained it when I fell off the table. But actually it's becos of basketball. But I really fell off the table and hurt my butt (and couldnt walk properly) but you dont expect me to show her the blue-black on my butt isnt it

I was jaywalking and running across the road when I tripped over a curb (whose dumbass idea was that to have CURB along the road?!) and fell.

Actually, it's more of flying a little and landed in the middle of the road. I watched the cars coming and honking at me as I lay there head-down, and for a moment I was thinking "死了算了" (just let me die) cos it's really hell embarassing. I bet those drivers were mocking me in their hearts.

After that, I limped home and no bloody person offered me any tissue to wipe my bloody knee! These heartless city people! I fell while skating some years ago (I know. I'm always falling down. I'm damn clumsy and stupid blah blah...) at East Coast Park and quite a few people asked if I was okay and offered me tissue as I skate (i dont thnk the word "skated" exists) back! (I still rmb I kept wiping the blood away on my zuowen question paper cos we just had the exam in the morning) Some skate shop owner even offered clean water and plasters!

Anyway, I just feel like being fucking gross and
showing these disgusting photos to you today ahhaha

Happy world cup-ing later. GO SPAINNNNNNN! May your god bless your country and those hot sweaty men!

Men whom I love but will never love me back

2010-07-08T19:48:00.003+08:00

In no particular order:

1) Matt Caplin
He's one of the most beautiful man I know, not superficially, but more of the inside. His pictures are so subtly beautiful that it's as if they sing, a childhood song that your mum used to hum to you. And omg, his words. They are like little sprinkle of water for sprouting plantlet (which is you).

It's not that you cant survive without them (since there's always the underground water), but they will make you feel so very good and happy. So yea, for the beautiful person he is, I love him. And he's got an equally amazing girlfriend whom he adores (how cute is that), a SUPER gorgeous little sis and a baby from his exgirlfriend when he's 17. Just thought you might want to know.

2) Chopin
I dont have to say much do I? His music melts my heart and fuses with my blood and forms blood-red rose petals under every step I take. Sorry if it sounds emo-gore to you, u know what I mean.

3) Cao Ge (Gary)
I want to dig out my heart and hand it to him everytime I hear him sings my favourite songs of his. Know why this man sings so well? That's becos this man is a man with stories and when you think of those stories while you sing, that's when all your feelings outflows.

4) Nemo's father (what's his name?)
If only all men are that fatherly.

5)胡启志 (Simon Chen)
Saw this man on 综艺大哥 some years ago and I never forget him. He's a street performer specialised in performing crystal ball. He's so good with the ball that it seems to be part of his body! Go youtube him. And the part I love abt him is his way of leading life. If Im not wrong, he grew up in US and one day he suddenly decided to go tour the world with his girlfriend. They went to so many places and did so many things, pumping gas tanks in Middle East, performing, diving for some scientific research and all. That's the way people should live I think. Experiencing life and living dreams.

Ok, that's all at the moment.

On a side note, I was coming home today and I suddenly saw a rainbow while listening to Queen's "I was born to love you" and the sun was setting, dying everything red.

Well, what I want to say it's that everything was suddenly so BREATHTAKINGLY MINDBLOWING BEAUTIFUL that I was so stunned and overwhelmed that I started crying. Or rather, tearing. And the fact that I was wearing shades (world cup kills) and so no one could see me tearing and a stupid boy just walked passed without noticing any of these (cos his eyes were glued to his dumb phone) made me want to tear even more.

Not because I was sad or emo or whatever, it's just that everything is so overwhelming suddenly. The arc of the rainbow, the fusion of the colours, the sky, the shades (and the eyebags behind them), the way my bad eyesight blurred everything, the song, the fact that I live in this beautiful world.. I dont think you get me, it's like suddenly, at that moment, nothing else matters anymore and you feel so free that you feel like you are atomising (which means dissociating into atoms to me) and becoming non-existent.

Okay ignore me. Cos even I dont understand what I'm talking about and I think I sound like a psycho freak head.

Keep your wings and walk

2010-07-06T15:26:00.005+08:00

Just to update you, my comp has crashed 2 weeks ago. Actually it's not that much of "crashed", it's more of it thinking that it has transformed into an unplugged fan. Everything was still normal the day before (I still remembered waving goodbye to my colemohr wallpaper as it shut down), then suddenly it just couldn't be on the next day.

Seriously. I hate it when something fails to perform the only function it has. Okay, i mean i hate it when things just dont function. It's not like I've kicked it (ok I did, but not on the day before) or smth right! So why should it die on me?!

I dont really care abt the doc inside, i'm more more concern with my picturesss! And the 1181 colemohr pictures! Omg I'm gg to do everything including CPR to get them back!! So for the time being, tolerate me and my boring posts as I typed on nana-san.

Got back to school today. Insignificant as usual, so shall not mention. The most remarkable thing is that I discovered omegle is barred by my school. Reason? "Forbidden category: pornography"

Misfits

2010-06-16T18:35:00.004+08:00

Here you go. My most recent accomplishment.

I told myself that I would not watch it until cts are over, but (as always), I gave in to some arsehole by the name of temptation and finished all six episodes today and fortunately for me (or rather, my results), the second season is yet to come.

I like this character and this actor.
He's quite mohr-ish but just with a rather bad hair and less squeaky.
Very entertaining person.

New (GOLDEN) discovery!

2010-06-15T17:19:00.006+08:00

LOOK WHAT I'VE FOUND!

but some people are just irritating
and some "What's your name? Your gender? You age?"
and some want to "**** your mama!"
and some "sing-a-po? **** you all! Sweden hates you bit****!"
and some "photo of you?"
and some "are you a v?"
and so on

but there are some decent ones though
not so so decent
but relatively

so i guess i will set it as one of my campsite for now

BENG BEN

2010-06-08T22:20:00.003+08:00

omg I was bored and so I decided to fb my primary one classmate-cum-crush
and arghhhhhhhhhhhhhness!!!

HE'S SUPER BENG TTM!!!

It's not even the a-little-beng-like-he-is-skinny-his-hair-his-clothes-or-what
It's the HE'S JUST BENG! kind of beng.

I'm so so embarrassed to think that I used to crush on him *bangs head*

I still remember that he was my deskmate and he always drew a line to divide the table to "my side" and "his side" and always "oh hoh" me when I crossed the boundary.

And there's this time the chinese teacher asked he and me to take some pile of 作业课本 from the staff room on the forth level and I was super happy (god knows why. 7-yr-olds *rolls eyes*). But it ended very tragically, with us falling down (that stupid pile of heavy shit 作业课本) very unglam-ly but that's not all!

We were laughing initially, since we both fell at the same time, but his face suddenly gave a spastic twitch and his eyes trailed downwards and that's when I realised that I have flashed my pantie at him because apparently, I was some dumb 7-yr-olds who dont wear pants under her skirt.

Okay that's very attractive of me. I know.
And that's the end of our romance.
So goodnight people. Nice people*

p.s. I changed primary school when I was primary three so that's why I can talk about my p1 crush so 光明正大-ly over here. I'm not dumb you see!

p.p.s He's a benjamin.

*Why is it that you are alrdy so humble and nice but some people can still be so anal and mean to you? Is it a problem with me or what?! I keep thinking about it and I really cant figure out why, so I decided that I'm just not gg to care abt these people anymore. It's their loss anyw, cos I know I will be very nice to them if they had let me.

Now I'm beyond furious that I'm actually calm

2010-06-07T11:58:00.004+08:00

You fuck with Michael
You fuck with me

My love for you has significantly decreased by 2.5%
First for not respecting
Second for not understanding
Third for the 1+ bloody month I worked in order to get Michael
Forth for lying
Fifth for the fact that you are my mother

And fyi, that 2.5% will never be compensated

a june life

2010-06-06T10:05:00.003+08:00

I havent been smelling internet for 3 days (in your words: not gg online) and I used to think I'd die without it but it turned out quite fine for me. So now I'm starting to think that maybe I have travelled through time-machine or smth, cos I'm really not like what the world thinks I (or any other teenagers) ought to be. Who knows, I might be a Tang, or a Qin or a ChunQiu

My life is super exciting and happening now.
I just ditched jackass Vector this morning, and I'm gg out with Mr Market failure in the afternoon, while two-mining Lord Organic Chem. And there's still a WHOLE LONG list of Doc DNA&Genomics, Monsieur Stats, Sir Kinetics, Dude BOP and SO SO MANY MORE waiting for me to date them!!! WHAHAHHAHA!!!!!

yay.

On the side note,
I was telling my mum about some seniors of mine getting married at 20 (both) and "It's a boy!" (*44 comments and counting*) and I was expecting her to get all shocked and everything,
but my mum, being MY MUM, said,

"OH! (in a pleasant way where the tone goes up) I didn't know people can get married at 20! That means you can too! Aiyah! Maybe you can consider that option! Cos in that way I dont have to worry that there's no one to take care of you while I'm away."

HAHA MUM. Very funny.

And ever since she got back, she's very convinced that I've somehow become uglier and is now very determined to make a steel coat for my teeth (in your words: braces).

So, hello, years of spitting saliva while talking, getting vegies stuck on teeth after meals and counting number of ulcers with tongue.

The Alchemist

2010-06-01T23:31:00.000+08:00

I've always wanted to record down all the beautiful things I read in books. And for second time I read this book, I finally decided to make this effort. So it's gonna be rather lengthy, so do bear with me. :)

The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said:
"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."
"What a lovely story," the alchemist thought.

"At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. they are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their personal legend."

When I had my sheep, I was happy, and I made those around me happy. People saw me coming and welcomed me, he thought. But now I'm sad and alone. I'm going to become bitter and distrustful of people because one person betrayed me. I'm going to hate those who have found their treasure because I never found mine. And I'm going to hold on to what little I have, because I'm too insignificant to conquer the world.

"I don't much like change," he said. "You and I aren't like Hassan, that rich merchant. If he makes a buying mistake, it doesn't affect him much. But we two have to live with our mistakes."

"Because it's the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That's what helps me face these days that are all the same, these mute crystals on the shelves, and lunch and dinner at the same horrible cafe. I'm afraid that if my dream is realized, I'll have no reason to go on living."

"You have been a real blessing to me. Today, I understand something I didn't see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. I don't want anything else in life. But you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons I have never known. Now that I have seen them, and now that I see how immense my possibilities are."

"I've crossed these sands many times," said one of the camel drivers one night. "But the desert is so huge, and the horizons so distant, that they make a person feel small, and as if he should remain silent."
The boy understood intuitively what he meant, even without ever having set foot in the desert before. Whenever he saw the sea, or a fire, he fell silent, impressed by their elemental force.

The boy was beginning to understand that intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything, because it's all written there.

"Because I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. You'll see that there is life in the desert, that there stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living right now."

"I have Fatima. She is a treasure greater than anything else I have won."

"It's not what enters men's mouths that's evil. It's what comes out of their mouths that is."

"Camels are traitorous; they walk thousands of paces and never seem to tire. Then suddenly, they kneel and die. But horses tire bit by bit. You always know how much you can ask of them, and when it is that they are about to die."

From that day on, it was the desert that would be important. She would look to it everyday, and would try to guess which star the boy was following in search of his treasure. She would have to send her kisses on the wind, hoping that the wind would touch the boy's face, and would tell him that she was alive. That she was waiting for him, a woman awaiting a courageous man in search of his treasure. From that day on, the desert would represent only one thing to her: the hope for his return.

The wise men understood that this natural world is only an image and copy of paradise.

"Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the soul of the world, and it will one day return there."

"People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could been good but weren't, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly."

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

"Everything in the universe evolved. And, for wise men, gold is the metal that evolved the furthest. Men have never understood the words of the wise. So gold, instead of being seen as a symbol of evolution, became the basis for conflict."

"Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you wont be able to talk to your heart."

"Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time."

His heart whispered, "Be aware of the place where you are brought to tears. That's where I am, and that's where your treasure is."

And now, my favourite two.

"When you really want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it."
"Never stop dreaming. Follow the omens. Everything is written. Maktub "

How true

this is lame

2010-06-01T01:54:00.004+08:00

I know I said "talk to me if you are a stranger", but adding each other on facebook will mean that "XXX and YYY are now friends" (and this is my personal account) when in fact, we are not friends. And that saddens me a lot to think that under that whole list of "friends", there are actually people who are not my friends.

So, stranger, the answer is no.

And the second reason is your choice of vocab and ...punctuation.

1) I personally dont like the use of "..." becos I dont understand what does that mean. What? You are thinking of what to write? Then why are you typing? Or that you are showing me that you are not so sure of what you are saying? Then why not just say "i'm not sure of that" instead? And also, for your information, I read messages in my head, so whenever I come across "...", I'd tend to pause before carrying on.
And that's really frustrating.

2) Lame.
Before I read the last word, I was thinking "oh yay! another stranger to talk to", but when I reached the last word, I just want to hit the delete button. Really, what do you mean by lame? Cos lame to me is not really, you know, a very flattering word. And it wont make any sense if you are reading smth unflattering (e.g. this blog) but yet want to know more abt its author (e.g. me). And I dont like to deal with things that dont make sense (and which I have no interest in)
And btw, sorry to tell you this, but you are now part of this lameness thing over here.

So yea, to all strangers out there, I wont accept your friend invitations but your messages are still very much welcomed and we shall see how it turns out before we decide whether we are friends.

Now, hello 2:30am.

Life lessons learnt at NTUC

2010-05-30T22:19:00.004+08:00

Hi pls be freaking proud of me for this. ::DD

By the time I reached home with these, I thought I have to amputate my fingers cos they were uncontrollable and cold.

Anyw, this is just a prove to show my efforts in screwing my life back on track cos mum's coming back on the 3rd!!! YAYYYY! And I spent the entire afternoon tidying the house (eg. sweeping and mopping floor for the first time since she's gone, picking up all my clothes which have been stepped on for more than one week (dont ask. It's just that I was finding clothes to wear one day and ended up emptying my entire wardrobe to the floor and had no time to pack them up), washing and ironing them) and cooked some chawda porridge for myself

On the side note, NTUC IS A SUPER INTERESTING PLACE!! Those aunties and uncles were so cute! They would actually try to start a random convo with you while picking their vegie, like asking how old are you or even teaching you how to choose a good vegie (by looking at colours, marks, shapes, smelling, pressing).

But if you ever need any help in finding things (e.g. the freaking condensed milk),
DO NOT DO NOT approach chinese auntie-ish shop assistants.

The first two told me that they didnt know, the third told me it's upstairs, the forth bought me to lane 5 and realised it's not there, the fifth told me she just worked for 4 days and so, was only familiar with her own lane, lane 3. A passing-by auntie heard me and told me it's downstairs but after finding for 5 min I still couldnt find. AND FINALLY, an Indian assistant lady told me with full assurance "Ma'am, it's on the second floor, lane 3".

Sound familiar?

When I went up again to take it, I gave the fifth auntie a subtle third finger (i.e walked towards her and when she looked at me, pretended to scratch eyebrow with middle finger).

Seriously, still got the face to tell me 我只懂lane tree 的东西!

TAVIIIIIIII

2010-05-27T12:51:00.005+08:00

I overslept this morning due to a mutation of hand and so I ended up sleeping for 10 hours and i'm super bored and feel like crap while my classmates are taking chem test.

To kill time, I decided I should just rant about my all-time source of amazement/envy/discoveries/inspiration

Tavi Gevinson. Fashion blogger, editor. 13-yr old.
Yes she's holding Chanel which I think I was still spelling as "Channel" at that age

and she's got invitation to SUPER cool places like national archive of fashion or smth to see things like this

and this.
hahahha, I will just pop all of them if I ever wear this dress

And she skipped school to attend NY fashion weeks with front row tickets to Chanel and Marc Jacob shows. And get to drink tea with Lagerfeld, Rei Kawakubo, Agyness Deyn, Marc Jacob and all.
While I skipped school becos of...hmm...sleeping perpetually at 2.

and Miu Miu sends her to-die-for skirt/shoes/collars/shirts with naked woman, swallows, cats, dogs so that she can blog abt them.

Seriously,
I cant even remember what I did when I was 13 except waiting for the bell to ring everyday and playing ball for the whole afternoon and going home with sunburnt face and getting scolded.

you see, MLIA

bloodyoldman

2010-05-25T22:06:00.004+08:00

If you are below eighteen or uncomfortable with sexual content, then pls dont contd and leave this page now.

I am SUPER annoyed and disgusted now.

I was coming home just now and I heard some uncle singing on a bike behind me. I didnt bother and continued to indulge in my own world. After a while, I realised that his singing actually sounded rather vulgar but I didnt give much thought, cos he's an ahpek (=natural vulgar voice) and was probably singing Hokkien (=natural vulgar language).

Then he got louder, like almost shouting, and I was annoyed cos I felt interrupted from my own world, so I turned and looked at him (rather unfriendly). But he ignored my stare and continued.

And that's when I actually listened to what he was singing.

He was making some obscene sound and then singing (more of shouting)
"I eat your nehneh and you suck my lanjiao"

.

Gosh.
You dont understand, at that moment I just felt like running a tank over and over him and squeeeeeze all of him out.

So I took a deep breath, turned, and said (okay, more of shouted, through gritted teeth)
CAN YOU FUCK OFF YOU BLOODY HORSE FUCKER?!

and obviously, with his that level of vocab, all he could understand was the word fuck and he was like "wahhh! You want to fuck is it? You know how or not? Come I bring you to Geylang la..."

.

I seriously was about to lose my temper cos just by listening to him saying all these made me feel like I was swamped over by armies of bacteria, slugs, lizards and shit. But I reminded myself that speaking, or even just to turn and face him would be equivalent to putting myself down to his level. So I just quickly walked across the grass and away from him, cos that's really all I wanted to do.

This is not the first time and I doubt if it's gonna be the last.
I really cant stand this anymore.
WHYWHYW-H-Y must these uncles come out and harassed girls? Shouldnt them be at home reading stories to their grandchildren? Fuck. Why the hell do they still have the hormones to be hornyshit? Shouldnt those have dried up eons ago?! fuckfuckfuck. They totally ruined all my respect and sympathy for old men! AGH!

If it's ever going to happen again, I swear my spine that I wont be so nice anymore. I will make sure I walk up to him and look at him in the eye and say, "ahgong ah, can you even remember it yourself when is the last time yours ever stand up"?

To end off, I hope Mr Karma finds him and makes some even older man rape him tonight. I'm not evil, he totally deserves that cos, hello, I was in my sch uniform (okay, polo tee)!!! Even if he has got no respect for female, he should at least have some bloody respect for the fact that I'm still a student right?! SO WHY MUST HE DO THAT KIND OF SHIT?
F, srly

The drama does not stop with the flight

2010-05-21T00:05:00.003+08:00

It came as a shock and I was made completely sober
but then I got reminded that our blood had gone to waste
and we were out of each others' lives since long time ago

So I'm calm now
but I hate it that you gave part of me to her
and I hate to think that you are responding to her by the name I used to call you

Thank you for shutting me out

maybe we are just
not meant to be

Now tell me
howthehell can I get the mood to do my business intelligence now?

This is how my life should be

2010-05-16T16:29:00.003+08:00

Raining sunday + Emily Haines + Chem tutorial + Alone at home + No lunch (probably no dinner too) + Packets of oranges + Messy bed/hair/house + Ugly but comfy home clothes

=

Total bliss
No sarcasm intended.

Catherine

2010-05-15T20:43:00.003+08:00

I know I've disappointed you
once again.
And with my sky-high ego,
screwed everything even deeper.

I can understand why you are sick of me, cos even I'm sick of myself.
So dont worry, you can leave now
You dont deserve having me
having me to ruin your life.

I can't promise I'll get better without you,
but I'd try
try very hard
so that maybe you'd at least smile
when you think of me

So for now, Goodbye Mum

And once again,
sorry for being so fucking childish.

All those neon secrets and hints

2010-04-30T00:07:00.002+08:00

I like you cos we are so weird in similar way

and you are like the sunrise I watched while the whole world was still asleep
Not quite sure what I really mean by this, but I guess I like it that only I can see the gem in you

this is super emo nemo but I didnt mean it to be this way. You are supposed to say it in a "where's my fork?" kind of tone

To end off an unremarkable weekend

2010-04-25T23:58:00.001+08:00

十月围城
I love watching movie with depth. It makes me feel as if I've grown a little more inside.